The 10 Best B-Movies of 2013

 

Like with 2011 and then 2012, this is my Annual list of my personal favorite B-Movie releases of the last year. There is still plenty of movies from this past year that I haven't yet seen, so it's possible I've potentially skipped over a few diamonds in the rough due to that, since this list is based off what I've actually watched myself. Also, this list is solely based off what has hit home video formats and Video On Demand services in 2013, so movies that aired on TV stations like Lifetime or the SyFy Channel this year, but never came out on DVD, BluRay, and VOD services yet, does not count for this. I want this as a list of movies that you could potentially pick up yourself or have easy access to legally obtaining. Likewise, some of these movies may have aired on TV in 2011 or 2012, but didn't actually get released on home video formats or VOD until 2013, thus I count them as 2013 movies for that reason.

The following list won't be in any specific order, as I clearly love all of them for them to even be on the list to begin with, so putting them in any kind of ranking order beyond that is a bit moot.

- Age of Dinosaurs is not just The Asylum's best movie to date, it's also the most just plain fun dinosaur movie I've watched in a long time. Never taking itself too seriously, we get tons of fun-filled dino attack scene after fun-filled dino attack scene that plays like a Best-Of compilation of those classic 'Dinosaur Attacks!' cards. Add to that some of the most impressive CGI to come from Asylum yet, in addition to well-crafted Carnosaur-esque practical effects and puppetry, as well as Treat Williams being Treat Williams, and you have a guaranteed shot at a fun time. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here. 

 - Found Footage is an easy genre to tackle, yet many movies fumble while trying. Europa Report may not be scary, or even a horror movie. In fact, it's more of a slow-burn character study drama than anything else, set within the plot of traveling through Space to another planet. But the way it handles the Found Footage aspect is among the best I've ever seen, plus the movie is actually really good and well-made as well. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

- Exceptional CGI special effects and good acting from some familiar faces dominates Spiders, a fun-filled creepy-crawly killer spider flick released early this year. Starts in with the action pretty quickly and hardly lets-up for its entire runtime. If you're a fan of Creature Features, especially giant killer spider ones, this is surely not one you want to miss. Especially once the giant mutant alien spider starts destroying the city - fun times! You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
 
 

 - You didn't think I'd have a Best Of list without the most infamous of the 2013 B-Movies, did you? The cult phenomenon surrounding Asylum's Sharknado is arguably even more interesting than anything in the wacky movie itself. Still, by even 20 minutes in it's pretty easy to see why this obtained it's pop culture status, and that's because the movie is as insanely stupid... and awesome... as it sounds, and B-Movie fans are sure to love every minute of it. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

 - Attack From Beneath, aka Atlantic Rim was Asylum's well-timed mockbuster of Pacific Rim, and while it may have had a teeny tiny fraction of that Hollywood movie's gigantic budget, it's every bit as entertaining. Acting and Effects are top-notch stuff for an Asylum production, and it was filled with a non-stop supply of hilariously-delivered one liners and fun popcorn action scenes involving Power Rangers-esque Mech Robots battling giant monsters. What more can you want in a low budget B-Movie? You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

- Having already hit Home Video everywhere else in the world last year, Grabbers, an Irish monster horror/comedy in the style of Shaun of the Dead and Slither, only hit American VOD services this year. You know you're in for a hilarious good time when a movie deals with a slimy tentacled alien invasion where the beastie of note is allergic to alcohol so the remaining townsfolk have to get totally and completely hammered at the local pub in order to fight it. Why this amazing little gem is having such a difficult time finding proper distribution in America, I'll never know.

- The only Christopher R. Mihm movie I don't yet have a review done for, but that doesn't mean that The Giant Spider isn't a fun movie worthy of a spot in his filmography. It just means, honestly, that I've been lazy. The Giant Spider is a great and hilarious black and white homage to the classic 1950's monster B-movies with the best style of effects seen in a Mihm movie yet. It's super short runtime also means there's very little of the movie where something fun isn't happening. Though due to the massive amounts of references to past Mihm movies I wouldn't recommend starting with this one, but for fans of his filmography, you do not want to miss it.

- After two comedic entries (one of which I loved, one I think is the worst movie ever made), the Child's Play series returns to it's straight-up horror roots with this new entry. It's smaller budget is very much noticeable, but that doesn't stop Curse of Chucky from being a very worthy return to form. Includes good kills, good Chucky lines, loads of tension, and some references to all previous movies, so mix those things with its return to its horror roots, and every fan of the classic movies should be happy with this one.

- Frankenstein's Army is one creepy WWII-set Found Footage horror movie that includes not only an interesting story, well-placed tension, and buckets of blood and gore, but also amazing monster designs worthy of a theatrical movie, with excellent practical effects to bring those designs to life. However, Frankenstein's Army is a prime example of a Found Footage movie that I think could have been even better had it been a traditionally-shot movie instead of Found Footage.

- Not only one of my favorite B-Movies of the year, Big Ass Spider (previously Mega Spider) is one of my favorite movies of the year, period. Well acted, well-done CGI spider effects, a good story, and equal parts hilarious and just plain awesome. Out of all the movies on this list, this is the one that should have had a wide theatrical release because the overall quality and talent on display here is really fitting of that. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.



All in all, another great year for B-Movie fans, and seeing as how a grand total of three of these movies on my list are killer spider movies, it's safe to say that 2013 was the Year of the Spider for me and it was great seeing the shark dethroned for a year (even though there were a couple fun shark titles as well, such as Ghost Shark). And while these are just my personal favorite ten, there are still plenty of other good, fun, worthy B-Movies from this past year that fans can sink their teeth into as well.

Actually, below you'll find three such movies that almost made my list but, for one reason or another, just couldn't quite be included.

 HONORABLE MENTIONS

- Jurassic Attack still has not yet been released in America, other then on the SyFy Channel as Rise of the Dinosaurs. It also has just a few too many minor flaws that add up enough to prevent it from being included among the 'Best of the Best' for me, but it was still one really fun ride of a dinosaur adventure movie that I enjoy re-watching from time to time and that is certainly worth your time if you can land yourself a copy. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

 

 - Another SyFy-aired movie that has yet to be released, Grave Halloween was a big surprise for me as I found it to be far above the caliber of the Original Movies SyFy tends to air. Being more of a creepy, atmospheric, haunting kind of movie, Grave Halloween dealt with the infamous and spine-tingling real-life location of Aokigahara, Japan's Suicide Forest, which is a terribly depressing and creepy location even when not factoring in the ghost legends. However, as much as I enjoyed it as a whole, I do have major issues with a couple parts, including the entire climax.

 - The Dyatlov Pass Incident (or Devil's Pass as it's been renamed in America) has an amazing near-perfect first half that acts great as a "Dyatlov Pass Incident 101" of the real-life mystery that the movie is based around. It's also atmospheric as hell, creepy, mysterious, and well acted. That first half is among my favorite stuff of the year, especially when it comes to Found Footage. But it all utterly comes apart during the second half of the movie, which in turn just about ruins it all for me. To understand further as to why, you can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

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Atlantic Rim/Attack From Beneath (2013)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: The Asylum

Runtime: 85 mins

Format: Screener

Plot: When monsters suddenly appear from the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, a special team of military deep-sea pilots must take control of giant robots to combat the new threat.

Review: The Asylum is one of my favorite low budget production companies, as I've often said in plenty of my previous reviews. I had really high hopes for their line up of movies this year, especially after watching Age of Dinosaurs which I felt was their all-time best movie to date and can't gush about it enough. But then 100 Degrees Below Zero came around and I have to be honest in saying I really really did not care for that one much, and even though I had been anticipating AE: Apocalypse Earth quite a bit, that one too fell a bit short of expectations. It was still decent, but nowhere near as amazing as I had hoped it would be. 

Which brings me to Atlantic Rim, Asylum's upcoming mockbuster of Guillermo Del Toro's upcoming CGI slugfest Pacific Rim (admittedly, I believe Asylum is changing the name of their Atlantic Rim to Attack From Beneath, to avoid the usual legal troubles they find themselves in these days with their mockbusters. Also, it can currently be found on IMDB under the name of From The Sea). This was another one I've been highly anticipating, based off just the amazing trailer alone, and the one movie in the last few months I feel could potentially be just as good as Age of Dinosaurs. While Atlantic Rim (aka Attack From Beneath) isn't due out until July 9th, Asylum was kind enough to recently add me to their screener list and lo and behold, this was the first one sent my way to review! Suffice to say, I was so excited to check this one out that I canceled my plans for the rest of the night and within minutes of receiving it, I had it opened up and ready to be watched.

With this one, well, you can pretty much guess what the plot is just based off what movie it's mockbusting – giant monsters appear from under the ocean and the U.S. Military employs some giant robots piloted by trained solders to combat them as they come out of the ocean and start attacking cities. Now, what struck me almost right off the bat as a nice change of pace from the usual Asylum fare, was that this one had a rather large ensemble cast. Normally if we get four or five main main characters in one of these things, that's a good day, but in this one we have quite a few: Most notably we have the well-known rapper Treach playing as one of the Mech pilots. Alongside him we also have David Chokachi (from tons of SyFy Channel Original Movies and other Asylum flicks) as the leader of the Mech pilots and kind of a loose cannon, always getting himself in trouble with his superiors and kind of doing whatever he wants. He actually sort of reminded me a bit of a mix between Bug Hall from Arachnoquake and Robert Downey Jr. in his Iron Man role (for multiple reasons, one of which I'm sure anyone who has seen The Avengers will be able to pick up on during the climatic fight). Jackie Moore, who was also in another Asylum flick, the found footage horror movie 100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck, plays his girlfriend that's also in the military alongside him and is the third of the Mech piloting trio. Her role, and the way she portrayed it, actually reminded me quite a bit of Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica – only thing missing was a scene of her smoking a cigar and beating up a superior officer, hahaha. All three of these people also had excellent on-screen chemistry with one another and you never doubt even once that these three are all best buds with one another.

Other then the Mech pilots themselves, there is also the always-entertaining Graham Green ( Jacob's father in the Twilight movies and one of John McClane's fellow cop co-workers in Die Hard with a Vengeance) and in this movie he plays the role of the leading Admiral in charge of everything and was, simply put, a total joy to watch. While everyone did excellent with their roles and the acting from everyone was pretty much above-average for what you would expect from an Asylum movie, it was Graham Green that had most of the best lines; it was always hilarious seeing him chew out his subordinates and having them have to reply simply with 'Yes sir'. Hell, every other line from his mouth was hilarious, especially with his total straight-faced delivery, and he owned every scene he was in, chewing the scenery and spitting it back out like it was stale tobacco. Sharing some of the screen time with him was also Nicole Alexandra Shipley (from Asylum's semi-recent 12/12/12) as one of the main computer techs that works in direct relation with the Mech pilots, and Nicole Dickson in her first acting role playing the part of a NASA scientist that works with the Admiral on the new Mech project (Actually, its called Project Armada in the movie, but for the sake of the review I'll just be referring to it as the Mech project). She was probably the weakest in the movie in terms of acting, but she was surprisingly still not too bad considering it was her first role ever. That about covers it for the main characters – like I said, a much larger cast then usual, plus there are also still quite a few smaller roles throughout, such as one played by regular Asylum director (including of this movie) Jared Cohn as a fighter jet pilot that leads a squadron of jets against the giant monster during one of the earlier action scenes when the monster first makes its appearance while it crawls out of the ocean and proceeds to wreck havoc on a city.

And wreck havoc it does! Quite a bit! Actually, between monster attacks on various cities, occasional mechanical issues with the giant Mechs, and of course the action-packed Mech vs Monster fights, there is pretty much almost always something good going on, action-wise, and when we do get a few minutes of downtime it's wisely used to help establish the characters with some good characterization moments, and then it's never too long before we're thrusted back into some awesome action stuff again. As a matter of fact, I was quite surprised with just how realistic some of the characterization and character-specific beats were such as one scene where, after first finding out about and fighting a monster, David Chokachi's character, when face to face with his friends again, excitably relayed what happened during the fight just like a little boy would when talking about the newest episode of whatever show he and his friends are into. Personally, For Little Jeffrey back in the day, that would have probably been either Gargoyles or Power Rangers.

And speaking of Power Rangers, another thing I loved about this movie is that for a couple scenes after the main Mech trio fought off a giant monster, they get out of their giant robot suits and go through areas of the partially destroyed city to help those trapped or injured in the rubble caused by their fight, and the character played by Treach goes off to help the Red Cross out with fixing up people badly injured and all the other stuff they then have to deal with... which is something the Power Rangers never once did, that I can recall. With them, they fought off a monster and then always left right away to celebrate, thus leaving the city officials on their own to deal with half their city being destroyed (and on a regular basis, at that) – for shame, Power Rangers, for shame! 

Actually, I mention Power Rangers in this review quite a bit because I was reminded of the show pretty often throughout the movie. Hell, each Mech had lights on the outside of them, as well as interior lighting in the cockpits, that were all a certain specific color to each Mech; One was Red-themed, one was Blue-themed, and the third was Green-themed, and to add on top of that each one had its own unique Mech-specific power weapon! With those color designations, combined with special power weapons, matched up with giant monster-fighting robots, I was actually expecting some Power Rangers references at some point, and I have to say I was a a bit sad that we didn't get one. Also, this movie would have been the perfect opportunity for Asylum to bring on an old Power Rangers alum into their ranks, like perhaps Jason David Frank (Tommy from the Mighty Morphin' days). Seriously, how friggin' awesome would it have been to see Jason David Frank, the original Green Ranger, piloting the green-themed Mech in this movie?

But I digress. Kind of went off on a side-tangent there, hahaha. Back to the character stuff: It was nice to get a military leader in one of these movies that's not just all gung-ho about nuking the enemy creature in question and is actually against such a plan. So many times movies like this end with the military guy in charge essentially saying 'screw it' and dropping a nuke on the creature as an easy out, but not here, my friends, not at all! He's not only 100% against such a plan, but he actually has to put in a good effort to make sure that sort of thing doesn't happen. As a matter of fact, all the characterization in this movie was more attention to that then Asylum normally gives in their movies and it was all much appreciated. For instance, there was also a little love triangle subplot added in between the three Mech pilots. Seems not only are two of them dating, but the girl had actually cheated on him while drunk a few weeks back, with the other one. It was an interesting subplot that added a bit of tension between the characters for a while, however it ultimately ended up being a bit pointless since it doesn't ever really get resolved at all. They're in the middle of dealing with it when they get the alert that New York City is being attacked by the Mother of all Monsters essentially, and they have to leave to go partake in the big climatic battle, and the movie never returns to that subplot anymore after that. Would have been nice to get some form of conclusion to that, but oh well. Just a minor nitpick.

There's actually a couple of other nitpicks I have with this, that I may as well get out of the way now. The first of which is that I would have liked to see a scene or two of the Mech pilots learning to drive and control their giant undersea Mechs. There is a point later in the movie where their Mechs get an upgrade to their hardware and there is a quick re-training scene of them having to learn how to use this new technology, and I suppose by the point we meet everyone at the beginning of the movie they're already familiar with how to pilot and control these things (after all, the movie can only be so long so they can't really waste time with stuff like that), but it still would have been nice to see, but it's far from a deal breaker. As I said, it's only a minor personal nitpick.

The next issue though is slightly bigger then a nitpick, though again not quite a deal breaker. In the second half of the movie, when the much-larger second monster makes itself known and begins its assault on New York City, we only ever see that one monster yet all the characters keep referring to it as 'them'. Anytime anyone talks about that monster, they keep talking about it as if there are way more then just that one, yet we never once see any of the others, so I'm unsure if there were supposed to be tons of other battles happening across the city but just all off-screen, or if it was some kind of dialog error, or what the deal was but it made the last 20 minutes or so a bit confusing as to what was going on with the monster and if there were more or not.

Over all though, since I liked this one quite a bit, I don't really want to end my review off on a downer negative note, so I'll bring things back around to the positive side in mentioning the excellent CGI effects work here. Seriously, this movie had astounding CGI and way above-average for what we've come to expect from Asylum. Be it the wonderfully-designed killer monsters or the giant Mechs themselves, or especially the city-destroying CGI brawls between the two, everything in this movie in terms of the special effects looked excellent and everyone at Asylum should pat themselves on the back for a great job well done! 

Atlantic Rim (Sorry, I mean Attack From Beneath) would make a great summer double-bill with Age of Dinosaurs, as both movies encompass the best that Asylum has to offer and both have truly insanely chaotic, awesome, and fun third acts. I know Asylum doesn't really do sequels anymore, but out of all of their movies that deserve one, this is the one I want to see a sequel to most. In addition, I find most of their best movies are their mockbusters, so its sad that they seem to be doing them a lot less and less as time goes on. I wouldn't be surprised if in the next two years they stop doing these ones all together. I mean, I can't blame them seeing as how its just leading to legal issues after legal issues these days, but its still sad to see them declining, so it's all the more important you get out there and support these mockbuster titles. 

As mentioned at the top, Atlantic Rim, AKA Attack From Beneath gets released on July 9th, so be sure to pick up your DVD or BluRay copy that day and help support our favorite B-Movie company and make sure they know which kinds of movies we want to see most!

9/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

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