Raptor Ranch (2013)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: Nu Image

Runtime: 88 mins

Format: Imported DVD

Plot: A modern day small Texas community is overrun by vicious prehistoric Carnosaurs and a group of people try to survive the onslaught at a cattle ranch.

Review: I know I said on the Facebook page that I was taking a couple months break from working on the blog over the winter, like I usually do this time every year, but that was before I got my hands on a little diddy I've been wanting to check out for years, Raptor Ranch (also being referred to as Jurassic Dark: Raptor Ranch in some places of the Internet). So consider this a break frommy break, to bring you this Raptor Ranch review.

But first, a little bit of a backstory. I've always loved dinosaur movies, and I especially love dinosaur horror movies, so it goes without saying that the Carnosaur trilogy is one of my all-time top favorite B-Movie series'. Ever since I watched those three for the first time, I've been on the lookout for a great Carnosaur 4-in-spirit movie, one that while isn't technically Carnosaur 4, I could still view it as such in my head. There have been many Potentials over the years, movies like Raptor, which was made by the same people and made up almost entirely of stock footage from Carnosaur 1-3, or The Eden Formula which also used a bit of Carnosaur stock footage. More recently there's even been the found footage Area 407 or the 2013 Asylum 'summer blockbuster' Age of Dinosaurs that while arn't connected to the Carnosaur trilogy at all, are still great Potentials and each of those movies all had me viewing them at some point or another as a 'Carnosaur sequel-in-spirit'.

I can't remember the exact year, but I think it was somewhere in the 2003-2005 range, I started seeing news stories on an upcoming dinosaur horror flick called Raptor Ranch and I was even able to view Production Photos and Movie Stills on the film's own website. I saw it was shot and takes place in a small middle-of-nowhere desert town in Texas (Hey, just like Carnosaur!), I saw that the dinosaurs (at least partially) were done with practical models and props (Hey, just like Carnosaur!) that actually looked pretty reminiscent of the dinosaurs from Carnosaur and even had green-tinted POV shots from the dinosaurs (Hey, just like Carnosaur!), and it seemed to have a pretty dark and gloomy atmosphere from what I could tell (Hey, just like Carnosaur!). Suffice to say, I was uber-excited for this one and kept a very close eye on it. But then it just vanished. All news on it stopped coming out, the website went down, and even the imdb board for it went dead. I kept checking back in with Google on the project at random points over the years, hoping that some new article or website would give even a tiny morsel on what happened with this awesome-looking dinosaur horror movie, but I always came up with nada. Indiana Jones even had better luck tracking down ancient lost biblical artifacts then I did on turning up any mention of this movie or what might have happened to it. That is, until late last year/early this year, I saw it briefly mentioned in an article on Shock Till You Drop about a few upcoming B-Movies of 2013 in which Raptor Ranch was ever-so-briefly mentioned. A blink and you'd miss it namedrop. But it was something. And something, no matter how small, was the most I had gotten on this project in years. Not only that, but it mentioned a 2013 release! This year! Over the year more and more news on the movie started pouring out again – more photos, a plot synopsis, and even a brand new trailer. Yeah, I was pretty damn excited. 

Now here it is, the end of 2013, and technically Raptor Ranch still isn't being released over here in Canada or the U.S., but it has certainly played at some movie festivals and it does have a home video DVD release in other parts of the world in early December, so the day has finally come where I get to sit down and watch this potential Carnosaur 4-in-spirit dinosaur horror movie that I've been waiting all this time for!

Really, I pretty much only have myself to blame that I didn't enjoy it as much as I expected to. Don't get me wrong, I didn't totally dislike it, but it was nowhere near the level worthy of anticipation that I had set myself up for over the years. Right from the opening moments I was kind of doubting if I'd enjoy this as much as I had hoped I would. You see, the movie opens on a woman sitting in the woods getting stalked and killed by a Raptor, with a Tyrannosaurus Rex randomly walking down the street nearby, complete with music filled with attempted tension. The scene could have worked, but any attempt at genuine tension was ruined by a very annoying and out-of-place narration monologue from the main character of the movie that instantly takes you out of the moment of the scene, plus it doesn't even seem like the audio from her narration was mixed in with the audio from the scene very well either, more often clashing with it and being difficult to hear either audio tracks.

This would be a problem that would go on to plaque the majority of the rest of the movie. Not the audio clashing so much as just what that issue represented – a pretty disjointed movie that just did not seem to flow naturally at all. The entire thing actually felt like an amalgamation of multiple different cuts and reshoots of the same movie. Not sure if that's actually the case, but considering that it took the better part of a decade to be released from it's initial production, I wouldn't be surprised if that was at least partially true. Certainly, it didn't help either that the movie failed to even let you know when a scene was taking place in another location, until after the fact. This was most present in the beginning portion of the movie when it was setting up all the characters: We have the main town that the movie takes place in, this middle-of-nowhere Texan town, of which our main lead lives in, hates, and wants to leave ASAP. Than we have a trio of college kids on a roadtrip to a ski resort somewhere to have fun and get laid (cause nothing says getting laid like being buried in bundles of thick winter gear), and then we have a gay low quality pimp-wannabe/singer and his two young hot ladies that are on a trip to L.A., and the way the movie sets all these groups of people up, and the way their individual introduction locations look, you'd think they all started out in the same town and it's not until they end up all converging in that town later into the movie that I realized that it was all separate locations and towns that these characters and their subplots started out in. The only exception to that was the two FBI characters (one of which is played by B-Movie familiar Lorenzo Lamas, who has gone up against dinosaurs before in the unrelated Raptor Island) that leave the big city (which does get a subtitle indicating where it's to, even though that's the one location that actually already looked different anyway and was easily assumed to be a different place) to go investigate a series of mysterious deaths in this small town. 

There's also weird scene cuts that only work to confuse the viewer, such as this one part where it directly cuts from them running out of a store away from the dinosaurs in the middle of downtown with the power out at night, right to them running through the desert to an abandoned factory during the middle of the day but acting as if it was just a couple minutes later for them. Like I said at the top, stuff like that makes the movie feel very disjointed and like a mish-mash of various different final cuts and reshoots that maybe shouldn't have been edited together in the way they were.

As for the actors portraying these human characters, they covered all the levels of the acting ladder here, some being actually pretty good and enjoyable (like leading lady Jana Mashonee, who actually has never been in any other movie or show according to IMDB), all the way down to just downright painful to watch (most of the others), with a couple of the really bad ones coming across like they were stoned and high while filming. Lorenzo Lamas is passable enough, but he has next to nothing to do since he's missing from most of the movie. He comes across in the first 20 minutes like he's going to be a main character, but then he just drops out of the movie altogether and pops back up at the very end again, having absolutely no impact on anything, which just adds to the uneven disjointed feel I mentioned previously. It's not just the actors' faults though, because quite frankly, they weren’t given a whole lot to work with. The characters they have to play – every single one - are underwritten and just plain unlikable, and none of them actually seem to have been written to act like how real people act. None of them are all that surprised when they find out they're dealing with living dinosaurs, and even after everything starts happening, hardly any of the characters ever even take the whole situation seriously much.

As for the effects work on the dinosaurs, we got both CGI models and practical work, and they tend to range from surprisingly good to really really bad, depending on the scene. For the physical puppets and models, I actually wish we saw more, since they were mostly only used for really quick shots, but what we do get of them I thought looked great (and I kept pausing and doing frame-by-frame looks at them as often as I could). I would understand using them only for quick shots if they work on them wasn't that great, but considering the level of detail in them and how great they ended up looking, I'm surprised we weren’t given longer and better looks at them, especially when it comes to that amazingly well-made T. Rex head model - THAT was the stuff of a Carnosaur movie right there! The CGI models though is where things wavered. Luckily most of the time they too looked surprisingly great for such a low budget affair, but there were scenes and shots scattered throughout where they did not look anywhere near on-par with the rest of the movie. Over all though, I was more impressed then let down. 

I did not care, however, for showing a Raptor and a Rex in their full glory right off the bat within the first 10 seconds of the movie. It felt forced, unneeded, and without that scene the movie would have had an excellently-paced build-up to the reveal of the dinosaurs later in the movie. What they should have done was just give us a quick glimpse of an outline of...something...mysterious in the woods, and then the couple roars in the distance that we get at one point, and then that should have been it until the dinosaurs are let loose later in the movie. Sometimes it's the little changes that can make the big differences in the end.

Now, with some of those things out of the way, including everything that makes up the disappointment I felt at times throughout...this movie is FUN. Perfect? Hell no, very far from it as I've already covered, to the point where parts in that first half of the movie are almost unwatchable, depending on the scene. But despite all those issues the movie still ultimately manages to be fun as hell, thanks in large part to it's Carnosaur-style dinosaur carnage filling up the second half. We have Raptors stalking their prey in the dark, a Rex's head coming down through the roof of a house to eat someone and bursting through the walls to get to the others within, a Raptor breaking into a gas station's outhouse to get to the person using it, Raptors sneaking into the tour bus to get to two teens having sex, and later a Rex going all Jurassic Park on the bus by knocking it over, then upside down, and banging it around as it tries to get to the survivors inside, in addition to a very nice scene of two Rexes stalking the characters through a forest. And that stuff is only a small sample of the dino carnage on display here, culminating in a pretty awesome fight between two Raptors, two Rexes, and a Megalosaurus. Oh, and also toss in a tough badass lead chick with a crossbow as a weapon to fight against the dinosaurs. Once the movie truly kicks into high gear for it's second half, there's not a dull moment to be found, and plenty of action and gore in every single scene.

There's still one aspect I'm still not quite clear on though, and that's the subplot of one of the Raptors being loose all along. There was a Raptor that killed the misses in the beginning, that then started stalking the teens as they appeared in the town, but the movie never explained anything about that. There was never any mention of a dinosaur having escaped before that, nor any mention by the guy who was creating them being worried about one having escaped, and other than the intro scene the escaped Raptor didn't really do anything at all, so I'm not really sure what the deal was with that. The movie also never explains why or more importantly how the guy created the dinosaurs, just that he has. Which I suppose, for me viewing this as a Carnosaur 4-in-spirit movie, actually works kind of good cause I can just assume the guy found some leftover Carnosaur eggs from one of those movies – ha! Actually, speaking of the Carnosaur movies, I got a tad bit giddy when one of the characters names off the dinosaurs and say they're from the 'Carnosaur family'. I know that's actually a real thing, but seeing as how much I'm jonsing for comparing this to the Carnosaur movie series, that was the nice little sweet cherry on top for me. Although for a movie called Raptor Ranch, the Raptors themselves aren’t even really in the movie much - it's mostly just the two Rexes and the Megolosaurus that are the main dinosaurs here, and considering that the characters even say right in the movie that they're of the Carnosaur family, I'm not sure why the movie wasn't just named Carnosaur Ranch and be done with it. Not only would I have liked that Carnosaur connection in the name, but it also would have been more accurate since the dinosaurs of the Carnosaur family make up a hell of a lot more screentime then the Raptors do.

The movie also fully embraces the camp instead of trying to pretend it's not there like so many of these movies do, and at times it actually comes across like more of a comedy than I was expecting. I was expecting a dark, gritty, serious dinosaur horror movie along the likes of the Carnosaur flicks and while we do get quite a bit of that, there was equally as much of it that was played for laughs, including not one death-by-being-stepped-on, but two. I'm not saying the comedy wasn't fun, nor am I holding it against the movie, it just wasn't what I was expecting going into the movie is all.

In short, the flow of Raptor Ranch felt very disjointed and lots of the poor editing made some aspects confusing to watch, plus the acting really doesn't help much either and most of the characters are unlikable and don't even act like real people, making the first half of the movie honestly a bit hard to sit through at times. However, once the dinosaur action really kicks into high gear around the halfway mark, the movie throws enough blood, gore, screams, and dinosaur attack scenes our way that you quickly forget about most of that other stuff because it's so much fun to watch, although some of the questionable editing certainly takes you out of the moment quite a few times. I do, however, love that almost all of it took place during the nighttime. So many B-Movies these days take place entirely during bright day scenes, I often find myself longing for the B-Movies of old, where they actually liked taking place in the dark and using that kind of atmosphere to its advantage, and I loved that this movie brought that back.

Even though the finished product is quite uneven and at times frustrating even, if there ever was to be a Carnosaur 4 made now-adays, I would actually really like for it to be along the lines of this movie, just with a bit stronger of a first half, as I felt this movie was quite a decent Carnosaur 4-in-spirit attempt that I can easily see myself adding to my annual Carnosaur series re-watch and just pretending it's part of that series. Now if we could just get a Region 1 DVD or Region A BluRay release for Raptor Ranch, I'll be set for that.

5/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

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Lost Tapes: Season 1 (2008)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: Go Go Luckey Productions

Airs On: Animal Planet

Full Season Runtime: 322 mins

Individual Episode Runtime: 19 mins

Format: DVD

Plot: Lost Tapes is a Faux-Documentary show that depicts traumatic scenarios where people are attacked and/or killed by mysterious, dangerous, deadly, savage, and ferocious paranormal cryptids.

Review: It's no secret that we here at Watching Full Movie Online Free love us the Found Footage genre. Sure, there are some big stinkers to come across, but when done right, that style of filmmaking can be effective as hell plus cheap to produce, so everyone can win. Being a 14-episode TV season, it's safe to assume that Lost Tapes Season 1 includes both ends of the spectrum, and pretty much every step in between as well.

But before I really get into the review, I just want to first mention that this review is a pretty big milestone here on the blog by officially being Watching Full Movie Online Free's 100th review! And while there are no doubt better titles I probably could have done as the 100th Review, I'm really glad all the same that it's a title that comes with it's own little milestone - the very first TV Show review for us here on Watching Full Movie Online Free! Having been put out by Animal Planet of all channels, you can assume correctly that the episode-to-episode budget on this show is pretty miniscule, which taking that into account as well as the subject matter, makes for the perfect TV show to review on a B-Movie review site!

However, such a tiny budget also means hardly even a blink-and-you'll-miss-it glance (if even that much) of the creature-of-note each episode, but luckily most times they make up for that by at least having good creepy atmosphere and fast-paced action, along with some growls, hisses, roars, and whatever other auditory noises they can throw in to add tension. As with pretty much any TV show, some episodes pull it off far better then others, so your view in the show could be drastically different, depending on which episodes you catch on TV. Unless of course, like me, you come across the full 2-disc first season on DVD in the 6.99 bin at Wal-Mart, in which case you can just pile through all 14 of the episodes in close to one or two sittings, seeing as how it's such a light show that's easy to digest, and every episode is totally stand-alone from one another.

Actually, let's take a little quick look into each of those episodes. The format of each one includes 'found' footage from a person or group of people that 'went missing' or had unexplained phenomenon happen to them, each with a different crytozoological or paranormal creature as the focus of the episode. Mixed in to break the episodes up a bit are Talking Head interviews with real people that are experts in the field (such as Loren Coleman), actual article clippings, and real news footage, as well as pop-up text facts based around either the creature itself or the terrain of the location and survival facts.

Episode 1: Chupacabra - This episode deals with a Mexican family trying to illegally cross the border into the U.S. (being filmed by the young daughter on her new camera that she got for her birthday, as well as dash-cams from police cruisers) and in the middle of the desert they run afoul a killer blood-thirsty creature of legend.

This episode was decent and a good way to introduce audiences to the show, with some pretty good tension and some of the better acting this season has to offer. However most of the episode is subtitled since all the characters are Mexican (except for the American Border Patrol officers), so be prepared to do some reading with this one. My biggest issue here is that the show uses the annoying recent trend of a Chupacabra being a vicious coyote with mange. That has never been what the Chupacabra has looked like and it's only the idiotic media in recent years spreading that false description around so now that's all people think of when they hear the word Chupacabra. I was hoping this episode would showcase the original horrific alien-like description of the monster, but sadly it drops the ball and goes with the inaccurate coyote-looking cop-out. Episode Rating: 6/10

Episode 2: Skinwalker Ranch – This episode deals with the infamous Skinwalker Ranch, although it really only touches on one aspect of it, which is an actual skinwalking creature itself (aka, Werewolf-type creature). In real life there's so much more strange phenomenon associated with the place such as UFO sightings, ghost activity, and Bigfoot encounters, but I suppose if the episode wanted to focus on everything it would have to be movie-length, so it picks just the one topic to go with.

Here, we have a son returning home to his family's farm after two years away at college to repair a strained relationship with his father for not staying and working on the ranch, when after hearing strange sounds, he and his father head out into the ranch lands to check on the livestock, finding many mutilated. During the course of the evening and night they get stalked and hunted by a vicious coyote that seems to have supernatural powers such as disappearing into thin air and mimicking the cry of loved ones, in addition to also being bothered by a strange Native woman that seems to have unnatural ties to this coyote, heavily hinting that she herself changes back and forth into it.

Despite only covering one tiny aspect of the actual Skinwalker Ranch, this is one of my more favorite episodes of the season as, even though it manages to take place almost entirely during the day (Only about 2 minutes at the end take place after nightfall), it still manages to send goosebumps up my spine at parts and, to me anyway, the stuff happening during the day scenes was far creepier then anything that happened during the night scene, which is a welcomed change from the usual with Found Footage stuff. It's also one of the rare episodes that the ending may not turn out exactly how you were expecting it to. Episode Rating: 9/10

Episode 3: Monster of Monterey – In the third go-around, we're treated to our first water-based episode. A thrill-seeking woman embarks on a sailing trip around the world, by herself, to break various records. She keeps in contact with civilization via a spotty-at-best satellite internet connection and a webcam, and she records her travels via video cameras set up around the exterior of her sail boat. Along the way she picks up an SOS of a nearby vessel and goes to check it out, finding nobody on-board and blood splattered across the deck. Heading back out into the empty ocean on her own again, the undocumented large mysterious sea creature that presumably laid waste to that other ship has begun stalking her, getting more and more brave with each attack.

The concept of underwater monsters has always been one that grabs my attention, as growing up I often found myself just staring off into the deep blue surfaces of the ocean, lakes, and such, wondering what kind of unknown creatures could be swimming around down there below the surface, just out of eye-sight. With that in mind, this episode was a pretty big disappointment. Other than a few knocks against the boat making it bang around a bit and one very quick 'blink and you'll miss it' shadow zoom by under the boat, there's no sign of the creature at all – no glimpse whatsoever. Also, with her being the only real character in this episode (as attractive as she is), with only an occasional short appearance of her boyfriend via laggy webcam, in addition to the previously-mentioned lack of creature, this one just had me bored for most of its very short 19-minute runtime. The scariest thing in this episode is at the very end when she gets knocked off her boat and the waves of the ocean are pushing her back further from it while it continues to sail onwards, further and further away from her, and she just kind of slowly drowns as the end credits play over-top of the scene. It was terribly depressing and a really anxiety-filled ending as you picture that happening to you...but it has nothing at all to do with the creature attacking her boat (and by attacking I mean the boat being banged around twice and that's about it). Episode Rating:4/10

Episode 4: Devil Dragon – This episode centers around a wilderness survival expert filming his own TV show, Survivorman-style, out in the thick of the jungle by himself, for days on end, showing how to survive and what to do in various sticky situations in the wild. One night he runs into a hungry Komodo Dragon-like creature which takes a good chunk out of him and then let's him go. Of course, anyone who knows anything about Komodos know they take a bite to infect you with their paralyzing fever-giving saliva and then continue to stalk you throughout the next several hours until you become delirious and defenseless and that's when they move in for the kill. The thing is...Komodo Dragons aren’t supposed to reside in this Jungle, so what is this thing really?

Anybody who has ever watched an episode of Survivorman or Man vs Wild or any of those types of shows always find themselves wondering at some point “Man, what if he came across some unknown creature while out there?” Well, this episode caters to those exact people, and overall the results are pretty realistic, playing out exactly like how an episode of Survivorman or Man vs Wild would have had the Host been attacked and the episode was actually allowed to air. My two issues with this though is, to start, even though the creature turned out to be an extinct dinosaur-like animal called the Megalania...that creature looks identical to a Komodo Dragon, so why pick that one? Pretty much every Jungle is filled with all sorts of their own mythical creature legends, including some good dinosaur ones, so why did they go with this mundane-looking ancient reptile that looks identical to one of our already regular animals? It was fine and all, don't get me wrong, but I would have preferred something that actually looked a little bit more unique. My other beef is, once again, we never even get so much as a glimpse of the animal. I understand these episodes are super low budget and we never really get good looks at anything, but quick and short glimpses like in the first two episodes is perfectly fine and all I expect, but these latest two episodes don't even give us that much – they literally give us nothing whatsoever. Other than those quibbles though, this was one of the more entertaining episodes yet, despite also being centered around just one character like the previous episode was. This one is how you pull it off successfully, while that one was just a bore. Episode Rating:8/10

Episode 5: Thunderbird – Thunderbird stories have always interested me, dealing with mysterious gigantic bids that roam the skies and prey on the large animals below. This one follows a group of skateboarding kids, not quite teenaged yet but soon would be in a couple years. Looking for a great new skateboarding spot, they sneak into a restricted construction area just outside of town where they then proceed to get lost until nightfall comes, and then start getting terrorized by a gigantic monster bird.

This episode is centered around some very annoying bratty kids, which sadly means no likable characters to be found here, and I'm not gonna lie - I kind of enjoyed 'seeing' these annoying kids getting terrorized by the bird. I have the word 'seeing' in quotations though, because once again we don't actually really see much at all. This is three episodes in a row now that we don't even get a glimpse of the monster. The first time it was annoying, the second time was a bit more frustrating, but three episodes in a row is just inexcusable. Sure we do get squeals, squawks, and the sound of large wings flapping, but that's it. At least Monster of Monterey had a likeable character and dealt with a water-based monster which is something I liked, and Devil Dragon was just all around entertaining, but this episode had none of those things going for it. It was only 19 minutes long and honestly, I had trouble staying awake during this one, except for the shots where the annoying bratty kids started getting attacked, then it was at least somewhat watchable. Episode Rating: 2/10

Episode 6: Cave Demons – Set in Afghanistan, this episode follows a squad of U.S. Soldiers with helmet cams on as they make their way through a confusing maze of unexplored underground caverns, following Intel that enemy Taliban forces were held up somewhere inside and using devices to block the U.S.' communications. What they find instead though is more akin to mutant humanoid bat monsters that should have at least fans of The Descent really liking this episode.

As a fan of horror movies that deal with army soldiers in dark and tightly confined places, as well as being a fan of The Descent, it's safe to say this episode is one of my favorites, combining Aliens with The Descent and wrapping it up in a nice little 19-minute package. Only negative thing I can say about it, is that this episode has the absolute worst acting out of the entire season, being downright brutal and hard to watch in some scenes. Episode Rating:9/10

Episode 7: Bigfoot – This episode deals with a lone Park Ranger that spends days at a time, if not weeks, staying in a little cabin in the middle of the forest, doing her rounds to keep her eyes on the land and it's creatures, and investigate potential illegal poaching. She ends up coming across a poacher that then chases after her, harasses her, and tries to murder her before she can arrest him for his crimes. Oh yeah, and Bigfoot shows up at the very end to attack the poacher and rescue the Park Ranger, like some kind of woodland critter superhero.

As you can probably tell, I didn't like this episode. At all. Everyone has their theories on the Sasquatch, aka Bigfoot, and that's cool and all, but the one I dislike the most is the very one this episode decided to go with – that the Sasquatch is a supernatural and intelligent protector of the nature realm or some such thing like that. Bigfoot is one of my personal favorite cryptids and I was really anticipating a nice creepy episode with this, and while there was one or two minor semi-creepy moments of hearing the Bigfoot's call in the distance, that's all you get as the episode focused almost entirely on the Park Ranger and Poacher's little cat and mouse game with each other, and then when Bigfoot finally does show up at the very end (which once again we never even get so much as a quick glimpse, it all happens off-screen), it's the exact opposite of creepy and just plain lame. If there's one episode you must skip on this set for whatever reason, make sure it's this one. Episode Rating:1/10

Episode 8: Oklahoma Octopus – A group of teens celebrating graduation from High School go swimming in a nearby large lake that has a lone wharf in the middle of it, and they get carrying on like teens tend to do, just goofing off and having fun in and around the water. That is, until an unknown underwater tentacled creature shows up with an appetite and traps everyone on that floating wharf, away from shore and with no way to get back there without getting back in the water.

As I mentioned during my thoughts on Monster of Monterey, I love the concept of underwater monsters, never quite knowing what's lurking down just below the otherwise calm surface...which is why I hate the fact that I actually disliked the first water-based episode earlier on. Luckily this makes up for it as this episode turned out to be another favorite of mine, even despite the fact that the only glimpse of the creature we ever see is a couple quick shots of it's tentacles flapping around in the water or shooting out of the water and dragging someone down (which is still more than what we got in the last several episodes combined). It also had a bit more meat on its bones than you generally find in these episodes, by way of there being a subplot dealing with the main camera-operating teen secretly being in love with his best friend's girlfriend, and lots of 'going away to college and going their separate ways' kind of drama, actually going that extra mile to make us care about these characters. Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 9: Death Raptor – Two amateur Paranormal Investigators trying to get their Ghost Hunting TV show off the ground hear about supernatural, and possibly demonic, activity in and around the grounds of this really old, really large Gothic church, and so they get their filming equipment and head out to investigate, thinking it'll make a great episode of their soon-to-be TV show. What finds them however, is not anything ghostly or demonic, but that doesn't make it any less dangerous.

When I saw that this was going to be another giant bird episode, I was instantly thinking I wasn't going to like it, simply because the previous giant bird episode, Thunderbird, was one of the worst episodes of the season. Thankfully, unlike that one, this one has actual shots of the creature, good characters, and really creepy atmosphere. Plus, it's not just a giant bird, but an intelligent humanoid owl monster – the infamous Owlman from U.K. lore (think the Mothman, but much more malevolent). I also really like the idea of a Paranormal Team investigating a supposed haunting hot spot and instead finding something completely different but equally as terrifying. The final scenes in the congregation room of the Gothic church are among the best this season has to offer when it comes to creepy stuff. Episode Rating:10/10

Episode 10: Swamp Creature – A couple Wildlife Researchers and their guide get lost in the thick dense swamplands of Louisiana and it soon becomes clear that not only are they lost, but they're also being hunted...hunted by the infamous Honey Island Swamp Monster, a savagely territorial humanoid Sasquatch or Skunk Ape-like creature with webbed reptile feet and accompanied by one hell of an awful smell.

This is the Bigfoot-esque episode I had wanted the previous Bigfoot episode to be like (though it's more like Florida's Skunk Ape then a traditional Sasquatch, but the two are close enough). No superhero woodland critters here, no sir! A group of people lost in the wilderness, catching glimpses of a smelly hairy creature stalking them, they hear some howls in the air, and then when they set up camp for the night, the beast aggressively attacks, giving us one of my favorite episode climax scenes yet seeing as how whenever I went camping as a child I would alwaysimagine some dark savage creature ripping open the side of the tent and attacking us. This is the kind of episode that this show was made for, and it's too bad that it took until it's second Bigfoot-esque episode to give us something as atmospheric and creepy as this. Fans of the Season 1 DVD cover art, take note, as this is the episode that goes with that cover art. Episode Rating:10/10

Episode 11: Megaconda – A pair of animal activists break into a downtown warehouse that they think is being used to store and transport illegal live animal trading, and while they were correct in their assumptions, one of the animals – a gigantic abnormally large, and hungry, anaconda escapes its confines and picks up the scent of the animal activists.

Gigantic monstrous snakes aren’t just from Jennifer Lopez horror movies, there are tons of evidence out there that such beasts exist, especially with Anacondas since they just keep growing exponentially until they die. In terms of pop-up facts for these episodes I was actually quite surprised with just how much info was delivered with this one. This is a topic I myself researched for a school project way back in high school and a lot of what I had put into that paper had actually been touched upon in this episode as well, so it's a great 'Giant Snake Lore 101' episode. As for an entertaining episode? Well let's just say this season set has better episodes, but also (thanks to the Thunderbird and first Bigfoot episodes) also has worse episodes too. It's just that with all these pop-up facts and real footage and photos dealing with jungle encounters, I was expecting a jungle-based episode, not the entire thing to take place in a random warehouse in the middle of the city - It just kind of ruined the believability a bit for me, especially when you add in the fact that there are supposed to be dozens of captured exotic animals in this place, yet not one single animal is making any kind of noise, not even when a dog gets in and starts barking. It also doesn't really make much sense as to why the activists would be filming all this, since the footage would work against them if caught, not to mention that part way through they have to switch tapes in the camera because the first one gets taken by a security guard and that second tape eventually gets lost and then destroyed at the very end...so how were we able to see that second tape's footage exactly? This is an episode that totally falls apart once you start thinking about it for even a minute. However, it was still pretty entertaining/creepy just how much one of the actors in this episode looked identical to a young George Clooney, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pretty fun seeing people getting chased by a giant anaconda, feeling almost like a 19-minute Anaconda sequel, even if most everything in it didn't make sense or add up at all. Episode Rating:4/10

Episode 12: Hellhound – A group of goth teens, hanging out in a graveyard, are filming the initiation of a new member into their group, but the prank they planned to pull during the initiation goes horribly wrong when a ghostly black Hellhound with glowing red eyes shows up to take everyone down...to Hell.

This episode was one of the surprise hits for me. When it started off with a group of goth teens, I really wasn't expecting much. To my surprise though, this episode had some of the better acting out of the entire season, plus it was the episode where we got to see the creature-of-note most clearly and most often – we see it multiple times and almost every time was a nice long, solid look at it, where-as most episodes at most all we get is a very quick glimpse or outline for a second or two and that's it for the whole episode. Plus, who doesn't get creeped out by being stalked throughout a graveyard at night by a mysterious and vicious black dog? For an episode I wasn't expecting much from, this one quickly became one of my favorites, with some pretty genuinely frightening moments throughout and a really nice unexpected twist ending. Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 13: Mothman – A man's old school home videos from during the rash of sightings of the mysterious Mothman leading up to the infamous Point Pleasant bridge collapse, as well as the following police interrogation of said man make up the bulk of this episode.

Honestly, there's not really much to say on the Mothman creature. Chances are, if you're interested in this show you probably already are the type of person to know most of what there is to know when it comes to The Mothman of Point Pleasant. As for the episode itself, I was actually expecting it to be a bit of a cop-out, with a new Mothman sighting and very little, if anything, to do with the original events. Suffice to say I was pleasantly surprised when the episode was actually from the POV of footage from the original Mothman sightings and Point Pleasant events of 1967, complete with an old grainy black and white filter over most of the video to make it appear old, plus tons of actual news footage of the real tragic event. As a Mothman fan, this episode was quite accurate to the myths and I appreciate the level of effort they put in to make the video seem oldschool as well. Equal parts family drama, police procedural, disaster flick, and monster movie, this episode is full of meat on it's bones and has a little bit of something for everyone.

Unfortunately a lot of it comes a bit undone by the dreadful acting, espespecially during the FBI Investigation scenes. Not quite as bad as what it was like in Cave Demons, but a pretty close second. Also, the majority of this episode is actually the previously-mentioned stock news footage and photos of the real event, and not quite so much new originally-shot footage so it comes across almost more like a mini-documentary then it does a fictional faux-found footage episode. Episode Rating:6/10

Episode 14: Death Worm – Two thrill-seeking young adult friends participate in a Sports Enthusiast reality show race where at one point they find themselves ATVing through the Gobi Desert, and soon get turned around and lost in one of the most dangerous and inhospitable locations of the world. As if that wasn't enough, once darkness falls they also run afoul the famous creatures of myth, the Mongolian Death Worms - mythical large aggressive worms that can spit acid and shoot electrical charges great distances.

While I probably would have picked one of the slightly better episodes to be the Season 1 finale, this one wasn't too bad itself. The acting was pretty strong, there was some good ATV footage for those who like sports, there was real danger to be had even without the mythical creatures-of-note by way of being lost in the Gobi Desert, and then when the Death Worms themselves do show up, it just adds another layer of danger to everything. Unfortunately it's also one of those episodes were you pretty much never get even so much as one quick look at the creatures and pretty much all of their attacking happens either just off-screen or just under the surface of the sand (although that final shot of a half dozen 'bumps' in the sand moving quickly toward the main character from all directions was pretty effective). All in all a pretty decent episode, but not the one I would have chosen to use as the Season Finale episode. Episode Rating: 7/10

So as you can tell, on a whole I really enjoyed the first season of this low budget Animal Planet show. Sure, there were some stinkers in there but there were far more Good and Great episodes to be found. My one big nitpick overall though is that the camera footage, regardless of source, always looked the same quality. Whether it be from a professional HD movie-making camera or some little kid's phone camera, the quality and HD smoothness was always the same and that can kind of take you out of the realistic mood they were going for here. The only exception to this was the Mothman episode where they purposely went out of their way to make the footage look old and crappy, and I very much appreciated that and kind of wish they had done little tricks like that more often to add some variety to the camera qualities.

If you can believe it, there are actually people out there that think this show is real. I fail to see how anyone this day in age can believe that found-footage movies and shows are real. Not only are most of the effects here (what 5-second quick looks we get at them) quite low budget and terrible, but the acting is totally unbelievable as well for most of the episodes, plus if these kinds of things were real, they would be classified as snuff films and wouldn't be allowed to be shown anyway. With that said, there is some truth to these episodes, by way of the real Talking Head interviews, newspaper clippings, and news footage, but they never actually deal with the plot of the episodes themselves, but more-so as just in general the creature-of-note or some other lightly-related aspect of the episode. The actual events themselves of the episodes, I assure you, are 100% fiction. Hell, the episodes even begin and end on the words 'This episode is based on the possibility that these creatures may exist' which is a round-about fancy way of saying 'These events are fiction.'

For such a cheap price (I got this 2-disc set for less than 7 bucks), if you're a fan of Found Footage B-Movies than you really can't go wrong with this DVD set of Lost Tapes Season 1. At 14 episodes, you're bound find at least something you like in the bunch, and at only 19 minutes each, even the less-than-good ones pass by quickly and don't seem quite so bad in the greater scheme of the season as a whole. Hell, you even get some Special Features which I wasn't expecting - a nice large handful of scenes from most of the episodes that had been cut for time, some more interesting then others but all worth a look if you enjoy the show.

7/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

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Age of Dinosaurs (2013)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: The Asylum

Runtime: 90 mins

Format: BluRay

Plot: Using breakthrough flesh-regeneration technology, a biotech firm creates a collection of living dinosaurs. But when the creatures escape and terrorize Los Angeles, a retired firefighter must rescue his teenage daughter from the chaos brought on by this new Age of Dinosaurs.

Review: Age of Dinosaurs is the movie that Dinosaur Week here on Watching Full Movie Online Free has been leading up to. Since I had already covered all of my personal collection of some of the more classic dinosaur B-Movies in the past, such as The Carnosaur Trilogy, Raptor, The Eden Formula, and a previous Asylum dino movie 100 Million B.C, I opted to do all recent ones such as Area 407, The Dinosaur Project, Jurassic Attack, and now Asylum's newest release, Age of Dinosaurs. It's no secret that I've gone on many rants in the last year or so about the over-abundance of killer shark movies in the B-Movie realm in the last decade, and I was hoping companies would make a move away from them and towards some other creature. I actually was thinking last year that spiders would be taking the B-Movie throne from sharks due to Camel Spiders, Arachnoquake, Spiders 3D, and Mega Spider all being announced around the same time (The last one there still hasn't been released, though I believe it's name has now been changed to Big Ass Spider). I may have been wrong though, because all these recent dinosaur movies kind of snuck up on me out of nowhere like the pack-hunting Velociraptors from Jurassic Park and it's possible that if this keeps up, the spiders and sharks can fight over the throne all they want because dinosaurs will have shot right past both of them. And I'm A-ok with that, since I love me some good dinosaur B-Movies. This particular one was directed by Joseph Lawson, the guy who directed my top favorite Asylum movie of all of last year, Nazis at the Center of the Earth, so suffice to say I was heavily anticipating Age of Dinosaurs

And ohhh boy, it did not disappoint. After having just watched this, I can't think of a better movie to end Watching Full Movie Online Free's Dinosaur Week off on. It's not only the best dinosaur movie of this week, it's one of the best dinosaur B-movies, period. Jumping right in, the cast was surprisingly excellent in this. Treat Williams plays a retired fireman that once the Dino rampaging starts, keeps having to find, get separated from, and then find again his teenage daughter. Now Treat Williams has certainly aged quite a bit since his Deep Rising/Substitute 2/The Phantom days, but he can still act very well and not once did he come across as 'knowing he's in a B-movie so he's going to just sleep through his lines' like so many other established actors come across as in these kinds of movies. Treat Williams was just genuinely good and enjoyable. Also just as good and enjoyable was the actress that plays his daughter, Jillian Rose Reed. I know her most from My Super Psycho Sweet 16, Part 3, and knew I was in for a treat with her here. In that movie, her character, on paper, was written to be obnoxious and annoying, yet on-screen she came across as more loveable due to Jillian Rose Reed's great acting chops. With that in mind, she did not disappoint here either, having improved even more since her time last year on that third Super Psycho Sweet 16 movie. Both of these people were ace actors in this and while any scene with one of them in it was good, every scene with both of them in it was excellent, as they played off of one another very well. Hell, even the more minor side characters were very well-acted in this one (with my personal favorite being the awesome Police Chief), and those kind of roles tend to be among an Asylum's film's weakest points as normally it feels like they just grab any average joe off the street or someone's friend or relative to play those roles, but here they were all amazingly competent, and then some.

Of course it's not really the cast you're wondering about with this, is it? A movie called Age of Dinosaurs normally has one specific talking point that everyone wants to know about the most, and that would obviously be the dinosaurs themselves. Well, we have three main species' that keep popping up over and over and are the movie's main focus when it comes to this area – we have a nest of vicious squawking Pteranodons, a pack of hungry spikey-skinned Carnotaurus', and a rather large and pissed off Ceratosaurus. I've been a fanboy of the Carnotaurus ever since Michael Crichton's The Lost World novel introduced the species to me, and I've been waiting anxiously ever since for a live-action movie to showcase them. Even the Ceratosaurus is a similar kind of dinosaur that I always enjoyed and kind of wanted to see in a movie other then it's super-brief and pointless scene in the third Jurassic Park movie, so in terms of dinosaur line-up this movie pretty much reached into my dreams and pulled out exactly what I've been wanting to see for decades. And best part is, none of these creatures got short-changed at all! During the first half of the movie, and after a very awesome opening that includes a fun Alien 3 homage, we mostly stick with the slightly-smaller, very quick and deadly Carnotaurs as they move throughout the dimly-lit corridors and various rooms of this one large building after everyone gets trapped in when it goes into lockdown during the dinosaur escape, and stalks the survivors as they either hide out or try to find an escape. Even during the second half, after the dinosaurs break loose from the building and go on a rampage through the city, we still get a handful of good scenes centered around these fellas as they chase people down the streets, or sneak into a bar to slaughter the patrons, or follow our main heroes through a clothes store and onto the roof of a building to attempt to snack down on them, these guys are never far from the camera. The best part about that second half though, is that the other species' really get to shine as well – the Pteranodons are flying off with pedestrians in their claws, or engaging in attacks with police helicopters, while the larger but colorful Ceratosaur, which didn't really have much room to move around in while trapped in the building, takes on cars, police vehicles, and swat teams while it rampages through the city. Hell, there's even one scene where it smashes through a wall and right into the interior of a shopping mall – this movie does not shy away from awesome dinosaur action beats, and all of them are pure Hits, with no Misses in sight.

At first I was questioning the movie as to why the scientists would bring back all carnivore dinosaurs instead of herbivore ones, seeing as how the entire reason they want them is for A) a new type of skin regeneration breakthrough and B) to use them for theme parks and birthday parties and all sorts of things like that, and Herbivores would make much more sense then potential killers, but then the characters actually addressed that little aspect in a line of dialog, so kudus for even addressing it as most B-movies wouldn't have even acknowledge that; Sometimes it's the little things that can go a long way to adding to your enjoyment of these. Plus, when all is said and done, if they hadn't done it the way they did, the movie wouldn't have been nearly as interesting to watch!. And yes, I realize that in my review of The Dinosaur Project I bitched quite a bit about the lack of Tyrannosaurus Rex and yet I'm not complaining about it here with this movie, but that's because it just didn't bother me at all with this one. We got other dinosaurs in its place, and ones at that, that I have been wanting to see in a dinosaur movie for so so long. All Asylum needed to throw in to make my dino dream complete would have been a Baryonyx (similar to a Spinosaurus, but without the large hulking fin on its back) and I would have been set for life. And for the record, there actually is a Tyrannosaurus Rex in Age of Dinosaurs, but it's only for a couple of very quick shots once herds upon herds of all sorts and sizes of dinosaurs break loose of their confines and break out into the city and essentially start Dinosaurmageddon, which turned out to actually be quite the visual feast on the eyes, though even a couple hours after having watched the movie I still have no idea how the Spinosaurus got on top of that skyscrapper, and especially as quickly as it did, but hey – very very minor quibble. Especially when the fun shot of it getting fired upon by the military helicopters and knocked off the roof made up for any leaps in the laws of physics that had to be made.

The special effects though is really where a movie like this can be made or broken. It doesn't help to be ambitious if you don't have the effects to back up your vision, otherwise it just comes across as hokey and lame and brings an otherwise excellent movie down. In Age of Dinosaurs, Asylum does what they normally do in such movies and use a combination of both CGI models as well as practical puppetry to bring the creatures to life. What they will normally do I find is use CGI for 98% and then use very quick close-up shots of the practical work for some of the death scenes, but neither really mesh with one another and you usually don't get more then a 2 second look at the physical puppetry. Luckily this movie breaks that trend as the two do mesh together very well, and we get much more and much longer uses of the practical effects then normal. And the best part? Both types look PHENOMENAL, way way better then I was expecting. The only really iffy questionable part for the effects were a couple shots of the Ceratorsaur running down the city streets, and even then it wasn't all of the scenes of that, just a couple of the more wonky-looking ones - you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it. Other then those couple shots though, the CGI and practical both were far better then I was expecting. Even in the later parts of the movie when Dinosaurmageddon happens and there are dozens upon dozens of CGI models running around and causing havoc and there is just all around so much happening, I was expecting the CGI effects work to take a pretty massive hit, but it really didn't, and everything stayed on-par with the way the rest of the movie had been presented. I actually officially want Asylum to pick up the Carnosaur rights from Roger Corman and do some sort of Carnosaur 4 (Night of the Carnosaurs? Or Carnosaurpocalypse, perhaps?). Their practical models here looked almost exactly like what you would expect to see in a Carnosaur movie, in terms of both design and craftsmanship. Hell, this movie itself was a more faithful Carnosaur sequel then the actual unofficial Carnosaur 4, Raptor, especially during the first half of this movie when the dinosaurs were stalking our characters through the tightly enclosed corridors and rooms of the one main building. Actually, this entire movie is pretty much EXACTLY what I said in my review of Carnosaur 3 as to how I wished that movie had played out, so I'm thrilled to FINALLY get a version of that wish here (with the added bonus of my wish dinosaurs as well!) Seriously, I said it earlier and I'll say it again, Asylum had to have found a way to reach into my dreams and pull this movie out because there is so much in here that are things I've been saying at various times that I've been wanting in a live-action dinosaur movie.

It's becoming a trend in this review to say this aspect or that aspect is surprisingly excellent or above and beyond what you would expect, but when it's the truth then you can't really help it, and that trend is something I'm happy to repeat for the musical score as well. Chris Ridenhour has been Asylum's go-to composer for years, and more often then not his musical scores tend to be a very positive talking point in my reviews as he almost always turns in top-notch work. Another regular in the B-Movie genre for composing is Andrew Morgan Smith, and to say that together they both bring their A-game to this movie couldn't possibly be more true - both action scenes and slower character moments had excellent music that was faithful to the tone of the scene, adding to the experience as opposed to taking you out of it like many of these kinds of movies do. I'm also not ashamed to say that some of the slower music, especially near the beginning when Treat Williams was trying to connect to his daughter, was actually genuinely touching. In addition to that, they also threw in some fun Jurassic Park and King Kong inspired beats throughout as well, which was mucho appreciated by this Jurassic Park fanboy right here.

In fact, this movie was filled to the brim with tons of Jurassic Park-related easter eggs, some of which the casual fan might pick up on like some very similar lines of dialog or familiar-framed scenes and locations to name a couple aspects of the movie to look for, while other easter eggs only the die-hard Jurassic Park fans will notice, such as the name Dodgson written on a label (a character that was only in the first Jurassic Park movie for one scene but was a main villain in the book series) and a date appearing in the same scene, which is actually the date that the first Jurassic Park movie originally premiered - just little fun nods like that are sprinkled throughout. There's also another scene that I'm not 100% sure is a nod to the Jurassic Park franchise, but considering all the other easter eggs here, I'm certainly leaning more toward the fact that it is. See, the original climax for Jurassic Park 3 had the escaped pack of Pteranodons attacking the helicopter with our heroes in it as they tried to leave the island, but for whatever stupid reason they ended up scrapping that scene from the movie and we never got to see it (or any climax really, but whatever...), which is a shame as I've read a draft of the script with it in, and it sounded like it would have been a really awesome scene. Well here in this movie, we do indeed get a climax of our heroes attempting to leave in a helicopter, only to get attacked by one of the Pteranodons. Over all the scene was quite nice, albeit it short, but I couldn't help but wonder if they threw that in there to please Jurassic Park fans, such as I, that was disappointed in Jurassic Park 3 cutting out it's similar scene. Going by all the other easter eggs here, it's pretty obvious that the crew in charge of making this movie are large Jurassic Park fans, so I'd say it's a safe bet that that is indeed the case with that scene, in which I'd be most pleased as it is yet ANOTHER thing from my dream dinosaur movie that I finally got to see realized here.

Any downsides to this one, other then a couple wonky CGI shots of the Ceratorsaur running down the city streets? Not really, but I do have one minor nit-pick, though it's certainly not anything major or deal-breaking. I was slightly confused by the end, as it seemed that it didn't really wrap a whole lot up. I mean, unless I missed something, there are still herds upon herds of various dinosaurs running loose out there, as the last we see of inside the city the dinosaurs are still all running amok, and then we leave the city for the remainder of the movie for that Pteranodon vs the Helicopter climax, and those shots are the last we ever see or hear about those other dinosaurs, with no conclusion or wrap-up of the fact that there are hundreds of dinosaurs running loose in the world now. Unless the entire point of the ending is that dinosaurs now roam the earth again, but if that's the case then it could have been made a bit more clear; the final shot is of Treat Williams and Jillian Rose Reed standing on a cliff and looking over the city, and they could have used that opportunity to show some CGI smoke plumes rising up from multiple points within the city, with a chorus of various dinosaur roarings or something similar to confirm that yes, the ending of the movie implies that dinosaurs now roam the Earth again and have overtaken the city. But as it stands, in my eyes, that aspect seems to be not quite wrapped-up very well. Like I said though, that's only a teeny tiny nitpick that comes at the very very end, and is in no way a deal breaker, especially when the movie contains so much other greatness within it

Joseph Lawson, Chris Ridenhour, Andrew Morgan Smith, the guys in charge of the awesome sound effects, the editors, the guy who wrote the script for this, Treat Williams, Jillian Rose Reed, all the other side characters – everyone involved in this movie really outdid themselves and pretty much deserve a standing ovation. Age of Dinosaurs raised the Asylum bar just that much higher for all of their future movies now that I know what they're truly capable of.  And it's probably no coincidence that, just like with Nazis at the Center of the Earth, it always seems to be a Joseph Lawson-directed Asylum movie that is always raising the bar for future Asylum movies, hahaha. Actually, out of all Asylum movies that should get sequels, this is the one that I really want another entry of, especially if the point of the ending was that the world now has a large population of dinosaurs back in it. That could make for a pretty awesome semi-post-apocalyptic dinosaur movie and sequel. Hell, such a direction wouldn't even require returning actors or characters since I know Asylum tends to shy away from sequels. They could pretty much just pass it off as an almost-stand alone movie. All I ask is that they get the same crew back that made this one!

Age of Dinosaurs is not only my favorite Asylum film to date, but it's also one of my favorite dinosaur B-movies, period. And if you're looking for a good, entertaining, mindless popcorn dinosaur B-movie, you can do no wrong with this one. More movies of this caliber please, Asylum! And more dinosaur movies!

10/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

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Jurassic Attack/Rise of the Dinosaurs (2013)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: Little Dragon Productions

Runtime: 83 mins

Format: Imported DVD

Plot: While returning from a military mission, a helicopter crash lands a commando unit in a dense, remote tropical jungle - a lost world populated by dinosaurs. Now they must find a way out of this isolated valley before becoming prey for the prehistoric predators.

Review: Continuing on with my week of dinosaur movie reviews, leading up to the release of Asylum's Age of the Dinosaurs, starting with Area 407 and followed by The Dinosaur Project, we now hit the recently-released Jurassic Attack, also known now as Rise of the Dinosaurs (see below). However, by recently-released I mean everywhere in the world except America. That's right, this movie came out back in February pretty much all over the world, except for us here in Canada and the U.S.. For whatever reason we still don't have it on our shelves at all. At this point, the closest we're going to get in the near future is a showing of it on the SyFy Channel (This weekend on May 11th, the very last Saturday Night Original Movie before SyFy's totally idiotic change in moving Original Movies from Saturdays to flippin' Thursdays), and it will be under the changed name of Rise of the Dinosaurs. Why on God's green earth SyFy changed the awesome Jurassic Attack to the boring and bland Rise of the Dinosaurs I'll never know. SyFy has a penchant in recent years for renaming excellently-titled movies to horribly bland titles, and I guess this is just another victim of that. When we do manage to eventually get it on a home video format (If at all – I've been waiting a year now for Arachnoquake and still no word yet of that one hitting over here either), hopefully it'll be under the original title and not SyFy's terrible one.

Title-drama aside, I actually thoroughly enjoyed this ride. Not without some large clunker points, that's for sure, but overall I enjoyed more then I didn't about this one. Right off the bat we have a pretty good B-Movie cast line-up – We have Gary Stretch, who I've been a rather large fan of since Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Corin Nemec from quite a few of these kinds of movies but most recently Dragon Wasps, and Vernon Wells who has been in countless things but I personally know (and enjoy) him most from Power Rangers Time Force where he played the main big bad boss villain Ransik. Upon hearing that these three would be in the movie together, I was really looking forward to them interacting with one another, especially Gary Stretch and Corin Nemec since those two generally tend to play the same kind of character and it would have been really fun to see them butting heads. Unfortunately, I didn't really get that. I did get butting of heads, and it was indeed between two of these actors, but not the two I was looking forward to. Corin Nemec plays some kind of military general that stays back in home base and barks orders over the radio to his team, led by Gary Stretch, while they are out in the field. Vernon Wells plays some kind of higher-up from him and those two butt heads the entire way as Vernon Wells' character just wants to bomb the entire location of jungle where our main team was last seen before all communications went down (to prevent the main villain from escaping with plans for a deadly WMD), but Corin Nemec is the one that keeps delaying and biding more time because he trusts his team will come through on top. Actually, with him staying at home base, he's never even in a scene with Gary Stretch, much less as any interactions with him, so that was pretty disappointing. Corin Nemec is known mostly for being in these kinds of movies, so I'm not sure why they regulated him to the kind of cameo role that's usually offered to actual famous well-established actors just to get their name on the posters.

Those three are also really the only good actors in the bunch, and sadly two of them have nothing to do by stand around in a small dimly-lit room and bark back at one another, but at least Gary Stretch is out in the thick of the action, and he rocks it every step of the way (hell, there's one scene where the dude stands his ground with his assault rifle and brings down a charging Tyrannosaurus pretty much all on his own without even flinching). Sadly, everyone else here is pretty bad in the acting department, but some of them have other attributes to at least even things out a bit. For instance, both of the female characters are pretty hot so while their acting may not be the greatest, at least they're really good eye candy (and it really is not long until the soldier one takes off her military jacket and goes the rest of the movie in a tank top), another of the characters is someone that has been trapped in this lost world for years so he's gone a tad bit looney and while he's playing his more crazier moments he does so in at least an entertaining way and those moments are some of the highlight moments of the movie. Most everyone else is just cannon fodder characters for the dinosaurs anyway, and don't have a whole lot of lines so their acting can be excused. 

The one that I found the worst though, with really no redeemable qualities, was the main bad guy – he was bad to the point of being eye-rollingly annoying and the one true weak point of the movie, in terms of the actors. It also doesn't help that, as I've mentioned in many previous reviews, I hate having a human villain in a killer animal movie as I feel it takes time, and the threat, away from what people are actually watching the movie for – the killer animals in question, but some times I can forgive it if the actor is at least fun to watch or the role is somewhat important, but neither is the case here. He plays a terrorist warlord from some South American country or another that has kidnapped the world's hottest bio-chemist (seriously, I am totally in the wrong career field if that's what the average bio-chemist looks like), and a military team is sent into the jungle to rescue her, with Plan B being capturing this warlord, which they do both of, and even after their escape helicopter is shot down by this guy's men and they crash in the thick of the lost world this movie takes place in, the warlord guy doesn't really do much but stay in their custody, following them around, and uttering threats and laughing at them. That's about it. He wasn't needed, IMO, and they could have easily still had the movie happen exactly as it does, without him. Have him get killed in the opening firefight in the jungle, but a couple of his troops still survive (as they do in the movie as-is) and shoot down the heroes' evacuating helicopter (as they still do) and the rest plays out exactly as it does, just without that character and laughably-bad actor. 

I really do not understand the need that so many of the makers of these movies feel to put in human villains. Trust me, people are not watching a movie called Jurassic Attack to see American soldiers chasing after a terrorist warlord, no, they're watching a movie called Jurassic Attack for one reason – American soldiers going up against rampaging hungry dinosaurs. This whole human villain sub-plot just takes time away from that and was totally not needed, especially with an actor as bad as that one in the role.

In a lesser movie, even more time would have been spent with the human villain at the center of attention then we already have here, and hardly any time would be spent with the main creatures of the movie (such as with Dragon Wasps – don't even get me started on that one). Luckily, we still have plenty of dinosaur action in this one, and it's all pretty fun and entertaining scenes. We have quite a few Raptor attacks, both by singular creatures as well as entire packs of them, we have two or three Tyrannosaur attacks and chase scenes, and we even have someone getting impaled on the horns of a charging Triceratops, and all of that is on top of some nice calm scenes of herbivore dinosaurs just grazing or sleeping around as well – if you like dinosaur action, this movie has tons of it, and it's all paced within the rest of the movie very well. Actually, watching this movie shortly after The Dinosaur Project almost makes up for that movie not having any T. Rexes, since this movie has not only a Rex, but a full pack of them that roam an area that's dubbed 'Death Valley'. There were such a wide variety of chase scenes and man vs dino action moments in this, it really did remind me of old B-Movie type stories I used to write as a kid, among which were some killer dinosaur ones that were very similar to this, and there were quite a few moments in Jurassic Attack that really did bring me back to my own stories and it just put a gigantic smile on my face, especially in regards to some of the Raptor attacks.

What did not put a smile on my face however, were many of the effects. The CGI models themselves of the dinosaurs were actually very well designed and rendered and some of the best-looking creature CGI models I've seen in a movie like this. However, the downside to them is that they really did not work at all in-motion; they moved and walked very unnaturally and stilted, and they interacted with the physical environments and the real humans very badly, especially in the scenes where they're killing people. Along those lines, the gun shot effects were beyond terrible, when used on both people and dinosaurs alike that are being shot up. The movie overall is quite a bit of fun, but these CGI interactions were just so terrible, you can't help but instantly be brought out of all the fun like a speeding car slamming on the breaks.

At the end of the day Jurassic Attack, aka Rise of the Dinosaurs, may be very far from perfect, what with the annoying human villain, mostly-terrible acting, and really badly-integrated CGI effects, but good lord it's still a hell of a lot of fun for those who just wanna see a mindless army soldiers vs dinosaurs in a lost jungle popcorn B-movie, of which this movie has PLENTY of entertaining scenes of, many of which remind me quite fondly of my own similar stories from my childhood. Did they make sense? Hell no, but they were filled with tons of fun mindless dinosaur carnage scenes, and this one follows suit perfectly. You want to see people get ripped apart from a pack of Raptors? This has it. You want to see someone get impaled on the horns of an angry Triceratops? This one has it. You want to see a Rex get its head blown off by an RPG? Yeah, this has that too.

Also surprisingly, the movie does not end with the 'lost world' being blown to smithereens like you so often see in these movies, which means there's good sequel potential there if they ever decide to go that route, which personally I hope they do. Despite all its faults, I still had a field day with this, and I hope I get to one day have a field day with Jurassic Attack 2 if the creators so deem it.

7/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

UPDATE: You can now hear me discuss this movie as a Guest Host on the Saturday B-Movie Reel podcast.

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