At the end of 2011 I did a Best B-Movies of 2011 list and I always intended that to be an annual post I do up around New Years of every year. Suffice to say I totally and completely forgot all about it come the end of 2012, so while this list is a bit late, at least it's better late then never!
Now to be honest, this entire list is pretty much being done on the spot, with no research behind it other then my own memory of what I saw that year, mixed with what I could find in my collection here at home and what reviews I may have done, plus which ones still stick out as having been really good in my memory after all this time, so forgive me if I ended up forgetting some by accident. Also, there is still plenty of movies from last year that I haven't yet seen, so it's possible I've potentially skipped over a few diamonds in the rough due to that as well, since this list is based off what I've actually watched myself. Also, this list is solely based off what has hit home video formats in 2012, so movies that aired on SyFy that year, but never came out on DVD or BluRay, does not count for this. I want this as a list of movies that you could potentially go out and pick up yourself and have easy access to obtaining. Likewise, some of these movies may have aired on TV in 2011, but didn't actually get released on home video formats until 2012, thus I count them as 2012 movies.
The following list won't be in any specific order, as I clearly love all of them for them to even be on the list, so putting them in any kind of ranking order is a bit moot.
- With how many rants I go on about the overabundance of killer shark movies, it surprises no one more then me that 2012 saw the release of some admittedly really fun and entertaining ones, showing there is indeed still life to the sub-genre, in the right hands. Jersey Shore Shark Attack works equally as good as a fun mindless summer popcorn killer shark B-Movie as it does as just an intelligently-written parody of the hit MTV show Jersey Shore that both fans and haters of the show can enjoy. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
- Yeah, yeah, I got two shark movies on here, after going on tons of rants about them. So sue me. 2-Headed Shark Attack, released by The Asylum, was the first bit of fresh life breathed into the shark genre that I saw in a long time, upon its release at the very beginning of 2012. I mean, how can you be a fan of B-Movies but say no to a killer shark with TWO heads? You get everything you'd expect out of this movie, plus more, all wrapped up in one hell of a fun package. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
- The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption is secretly a competition between Ron Perlman and Billy Zane as to who can chew more scenery. Spoiler: Billy Zane does, and then some, earning the movie's entertainment factor just on his own. However it also helps that it's actually a fun fantasy adventure which takes place after the first movie, with an actor that actually resembles The Rock, and includes epic battle scenes that have far larger of a scope then you would expect from a cheapie Direct-to-Video sequel.
- Having aired on SyFy as a 3 hour mini-series, Neverland is a re-imagined origin story of Peter Pan, Hook, The Lost Boys, and how they all came together in Neverland. Amazingly fun for fans of the Peter Pan tale, though not without some questionable changes to the mythology. Makes up for it though by having Rhys Ifans play the best rendition of Hook I've ever seen, and Bob Hoskins returning to the role of Smee for the first time since 1991's Hook.
- Continuing the Syfy/Asylum team-up tradition of making and airing a zombie movie around Halloween, Rise of the Zombies is every bit as entertaining as 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, and then improves upon it. Great cast line-up, excellent zombie effects work, some unexpected twists, and a hell of a lot of gore. If anything, this movie might push things a bit too far, but it's still very well made considering it's a TV movie. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
- The Haunting of Whaley House earns a special place here because I'm normally not a big fan of The Asylum's haunted house/ghost movies as I find they are never as scary or clever as they seem to think they are...but this one scared the god damn bejesus outta me. Good acting, great special effects, some good gore, and genuinely frightening as all hell, this is the first and currently only Asylum-made movie that actually made me sleep with my lights on that night.
- As a big fan of the original Silent Night, Deadly Night it came as a huge shock when I ended up loving the remake, Silent Night. Though apart from a few minor nods, it has nothing at all in common with the original, and I think that's for the better as, and I'm sorry to say this but, I actually prefer this stylish quirky horror remake over the original. Fun inventive death scenes, hilariously campy characters, and a creepy-looking killer Santa, all wrapped up in some Christmas cheer! You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
- As a fan of the entire trilogy, My Super Psycho Sweet 16, Part 3 may not be the best movie in the series, but it's still a really fun entry all the same, and an excellent ending to the trilogy. If you're a fan of either of the first two movies in this MTV-made teen horror movie series, you'll enjoy the final climatic showdown that this movie is, quite a bit. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
- Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes is one of the better, more effective, found-footage movies to come out of 2012. Sure, some of the characters are annoying and some of the ad-libbing from the actors doesn't quite work out so great, but it tackles a topic I love, while feeding pretty accurate information to the viewer, in addition to quite a good handful of creepy and atmospheric scenes, with a final shot that is sure to stick with you, leave you scratching your head, and rushing to turn the lights on all at once.
- No surprise that so many Asylum movies make it to this list every year, since they are my favorite of the low budget B-Movie companies, but out of all of them Nazis at the Center of the Earth is my Top Asylum Pick for all of 2012. Zombie Nazis, Secret Breakaway Civilizations under Antarctica, and UFOs - some of my favorite conspiracy theories all under one movie, and then some extras..like a Robo-Hitler. Let that sink in. Ok, so, yeah, enough said on this, I believe! You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.
HONORABLE MENTION
- One of my top favorite B-Movies of all of last year, Arachnoquake really does deserve a spot on this list. However it only ever aired on TV on the SyFy Channel and Space Channel here in North America and never did get a Region 1/A DVD or BluRay release thus, by my own rules, I can't include it in the actual list. Still, this movie defines the word 'Fun', as it has a group of survivors running through a near-abandoned New Orleans from growing-larger-every-minute killer albino spiders that can shoot fire, all with an air of quirky fun-loving cheese that's in on the joke as opposed to being the butt of the joke. You can read my previously-posted review of this one here.
As a pretty big fan of podcasts, I tend to be subscribed to far more then I will ever have any hope of being fully caught up on. However, one of those podcasts that I make sure to always listen to the newest episode of as soon as it goes online is the lovely Saturday B-Movie Reel podcast, which is an offshoot of Tuning into SciFi TV, a podcast about various TV shows and such on the SyFy Channel.
The Saturday B-Movie Reel covers pretty much every movie that is a SyFy Channel Original Movie on a weekly basis, plus some older 'vintage' movies from the 70's, 80's, and early 90's about once a month, as well as a 'Could Be SyFy' section where they also cover direct-to-video B-Movies that come out that never aired on SyFy but probably should have.
The main host is a pretty cool guy named Kevin Bachelder who genuinely loves these movies and instead of just ripping them apart with savage hate like many podcasters and reviewers do, he actually talks about them with love and respect (well...for the most part. To be fair, some of these movies make it pretty hard sometimes - haha). Joining him every episode is a revolving door of special guest hosts that love these movies just as much as he does. I myself have been on a few episodes (Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, 2-Headed Shark Attack, and Jurassic Attack/Rise of the Dinosaurs), and most of the guest hosts tend to return for multiple episodes so you get to know most of them just as well as you do Kevin, and you can tell that everyone involved just has a blast watching these movies, and just as much of a blast discussing them afterwards.
If you're interested in checking the podcast episodes out, you can go to the overall Tuning In To SciFi TV website which I linked to above, or go directly to the Saturday B-Movie Reel archive here, or you can do a search on Itunes for 'Tuning Into SciFi' and access the episodes through there, which includes the episodes for all the podcasts under the Tuning Into SciFi TV banner (including the Saturday B-Movie Reel episodes). You can also join the Facebook Group for the show, where Kevin, myself, and many others often frequent and have a few laughs, as well as post B-Movie-related articles and updates, or become a Fan and Like their official page. They now also have a Twitter feed dedicated to their podcast and all things B-Movie. Check it out and be sure to Follow them if you're not already.
Anyone who's a fan of B-Movies (which should be anyone reading this, otherwise why the heck are you on my blog?), I highly recommend this podcast. As for the episodes I've been a guest host on, you can find them listed below, along with links to those episodes as well as links to my own personal reviews for those movies.
May 23rd, 2013 Update: The newest episode in which I Guest Host on, the Jurassic Attack/Rise of the Dinosaurs podcast review episode is now Live! Check it out at the link below and enjoy!
Saturday B-Movie Reel Podcast Episode #34: Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus You can listen to the episode Here. You can read my own personal review of the movie Here.
Saturday B-Movie Reel Podcast Episode #55: 2-Headed Shark Attack You can listen to the episode Here. You can read my own personal review of the movie Here.
Saturday B-Movie Reel Podcast Episode #112: Jurassic Attack, aka Rise of the Dinosaurs You can listen to the episode Here. You can read my own personal review of the movie Here.
PLOT: Survivors escape to a deserted atoll after their Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a deformed two-headed shark. But when the atoll starts flooding, no one is safe from the double jaws of the monster.
REVIEW: Asylum can be all over the board. Their movies range from downright dreadful to excellent fun, and it's pretty much impossible to tell which ones will be which beforehand because if there is one thing they're good at 100% of the time, it's advertising. They sure know how to advertise their movies and put together excellent trailers. 2-Headed Shark Attack got the full treatment – excellent trailers, top-tier advertising, and lots of word-of-mouth, and it all looked and sounded excellent so I was really hoping that it would be able to live up to the hype and not be one of their let-down movies (Such as the first Mega Shark flick). Adding to my caution are some of the names behind the movie; We have Christopher Olen Ray directing, who I'm 50/50 on (LovedMega Shark vs Crocosaurus but hatedAlmighty Thor), and fellow-B-Movie blogger turned scriptwriter H. Perry Horton who did the screenplay (He also did the script for A Haunting in Salem which I only 'liked' but did not love, and I had a few issues with), so I wasn't quite sure what to expect from these two on this one. On top of all of that, I'm getting REALLY sick of shark movies. We've been bombarded with cheesy shark movie after cheesy shark movie for the last several years and I'm just sick of it all now; there's plenty of other animals that they could pretty much build the exact same movies around, so why not switch it up and keep things fresh? I think it's time that the shark moves over and they start giving another animal the spotlight.
Well, against all of my worry and low expectations, as it turns out this movie isn't just one of Asylum's better movies – it is their BEST movie, period. Words cannot describe how much fun there is to be had with this flick, but I'll try my best: I had a god damn blast with this movie. My point still stands however – movie-makers need to lay off the sharks for a bit and employ some other species' to do the killing – but I'm really glad that if they do decide to finally go that route, that this one will remain one of the last of the onslaught of shark movies. I'd rather this trend goes out with an amazing bang like this movie, as opposed to some crappy whimper.
If the title alone wasn't enough to pique you're interest, then perhaps the cast list can help: We have Brooke Hogan (daughter of Hulk Hogan) as our main JWoww-esque tom-boyish tough girl heroine of the movie, Charlie O'Connell (look-alike brother of Jerry O'Connell) as the Professor that seems to be almost as young as his students, and Carmen Electra as his smoking hot wife and the trained medical personnel for the trip (though despite her name getting top-billing, all she does during the entire movie is sunbath on the deck of the boat while everyone else is exploring the island, and when she does join them she mostly just stands around in the background with little or no dialog). The only way the casting could be any better for such a movie is if Asylum brought back Tiffany and Debbie Gibson from their previous outing with Mega Python vs Gatoroid – perhaps one as the teacher and the other as the medical personnel? Hmmm...
The movie isn't a complicated one to follow. A group of school students are doing a semester at sea (though there's next to no studying going on and plenty of skin-tight bikini-clad beauties bouncing around and getting on as if there are auditions happening for Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break XXV), when their ship gets stranded by an atoll (a very tiny land mass in the middle of the ocean) which as it turns out is slowly sinking due to increasing tremors, while a mutated two-headed shark stalks them from the ocean. That's about as extensive as the plot gets, but don't be fooled; the less there is for plot means the more room for the abundance of campy cheese! And if you're a cheese-lover like me, then this is certainly the one movie you will not want to skip! On top of enough eye candy to last a year (for both men and women), we get such great lines of dialog like “Which one of you wants to get nude first?”, “The kids are in danger! To the dingy!”, “Mayday, mayday, there's a 2-headed shark attacking me! Send help!” to list just a few of my favorites. And if that wasn't enough for you, there's great visual treats like a trio of teens skinny dipping and making out right before they all get munched down on at the same time, the shark bitch-slapping someone out of the water with it's tail and then while he's in the air, it turns back around and jumps out of the water to chomp down on him mid-air in an explosive geyser of blood, and my own personal favorite: Seeing the shark riding inside of a giant tidal wave to take out two characters standing on a bridge that was previously out of the creature's reach – Yes, it's quite the resourceful shark when it wants its meal! Like I said, there's such an abundance of cheese here, that any true B-Movie fan can't help but fall in love with this movie.
On the downside, what this movie has in cheese it lacks in anything even resembling characterization. There is no effort at all put in for making us give a damn about any of the characters, resulting in the biggest cast of cardboard cut-outs I've ever seen. The closest we get to characterization is with Brooke Hogan's character, and she seemed to mostly draw her inspiration from JWoww of Jersey Shore, from just her basic body shape, to her overall outward attitude, to just the way she composes herself and struts her stuff around - it all reminded me very much of Jwoww, but with blond hair. Also, she slaps a girl in one scene and punches a guy in the face in another, followed by shouting in his face directly after. So like I said – very Jwoww-ish. Her acting however, along with every single other person's acting in this movie, is really quite brutal. Pretty much cringe-worthy, actually. But in all honesty, it doesn't really matter much because nobody really pays attention to the acting in a low budget movie about a 2-headed mutant shark eating hot girls in bikinis (or not in bikinis if it's a lucky scene).
Which brings me back to more of the movie's strong suits – nudity and gore. Asylum movies from years ago used to always be pretty R-Rated with plenty of nudity and gore shots, but it seems these last couple of years they've shied away from that a lot. Largely I guess, because of their movie deals with the SyFy Channel, they probably felt it was easier to just shoot with a PG/PG-13 rating as opposed to spending the time to edit and cut stuff afterward, so most of their recent movies (if not all) have been pretty tame compared to their older stuff. Well this one sure is a great return to form, TV deals be damned! There's only one scene with any actual nudity in it, but we see quite a bit of it during that scene, and the gore is where this one really shines. Every single kill (and there is quite a lot of them) is filled with enough buckets of the red stuff to make any gore-hound happy.
The shark itself looks surprisingly good as well, considering the company that made this movie. Definitely a huge step up from any of their previous monster movies. They do still do a few repeat shots where they just reuse the same CGI shot of the shark swimming in the water over and over (something they do quite often in the Mega Shark movies, especially the second one), and it is a bit jarring at times when they switch from the CGI model of the shark directly to a practical puppetry shot, but even then the switch back and forth is still integrated more smoothly then it was in 100 Million B.C., another Asylum movie that would switch back and forth from CGI shots and practical shots but not done as well. Oh, and if you're one of the few fans of the scene in Jaws 4: The Revenge where the shark roars, then you'll be as happy as a fat kid on Halloween with this movie, as every single scene that the shark is in it lets out at least two (sometimes plenty of more) deep thundering roars. Even when it's submerged under the water. Like I've said, this movie so excellent with the cheese!
Thanks to the talents of scriptwriter H. Perry Horton, another really strong suit to the movie is the fact that you can rarely guess how things will turn out. I can honestly say that I had no idea at all how they would defeat the shark. For a few minutes there it actually seemed like maybe they wouldn't and for once the evil creature would actually win and every single human would die. There were even a few things that were purposefully set up during the movie to make you think that that was how they would eventually end up defeating the shark, but none of them end up panning out or working in the characters' favor, so kudus to H. Perry Horton for actually making what could have been a very by-the-books predictable B-Movie quite suspenseful and fresh, making the viewing experience all the more enjoyable. Any reserves I had after A Haunting in Salem are completely washed away here and I now 100% look forward to any future projects that come out of him.
This movie was just the perfect mix of everything I look for in my B-Movies – lots of eye-candy, cheesy dialog, and campy scenes – mixed with better-then-expected special effects and a script that goes above and beyond what you would expect from such a movie. I have no hesitation in stating that, in my opinion, this is Asylum's all-time best effort yet, and if this is a taste of things to come from them going into 2012, then consider my seat reserved, because this year is going to be one hell of a fun ride.
10/10 rooms in the Psych Ward
UPDATE: You can now hear me discuss this movie as a Guest Host on the Saturday B-Movie Reel podcast.
