The 10 Best B-Movies of 2012

At the end of 2011 I did a Best B-Movies of 2011 list and I always intended that to be an annual post I do up around New Years of every year. Suffice to say I totally and completely forgot all about it come the end of 2012, so while this list is a bit late, at least it's better late then never!

Now to be honest, this entire list is pretty much being done on the spot, with no research behind it other then my own memory of what I saw that year, mixed with what I could find in my collection here at home and what reviews I may have done, plus which ones still stick out as having been really good in my memory after all this time, so forgive me if I ended up forgetting some by accident. Also, there is still plenty of movies from last year that I haven't yet seen, so it's possible I've potentially skipped over a few diamonds in the rough due to that as well, since this list is based off what I've actually watched myself. Also, this list is solely based off what has hit home video formats in 2012, so movies that aired on SyFy that year, but never came out on DVD or BluRay, does not count for this. I want this as a list of movies that you could potentially go out and pick up yourself and have easy access to obtaining. Likewise, some of these movies may have aired on TV in 2011, but didn't actually get released on home video formats until 2012, thus I count them as 2012 movies.

The following list won't be in any specific order, as I clearly love all of them for them to even be on the list, so putting them in any kind of ranking order is a bit moot.

 - With how many rants I go on about the overabundance of killer shark movies, it surprises no one more then me that 2012 saw the release of some admittedly really fun and entertaining ones, showing there is indeed still life to the sub-genre, in the right hands. Jersey Shore Shark Attack works equally as good as a fun mindless summer popcorn killer shark B-Movie as it does as just an intelligently-written parody of the hit MTV show Jersey Shore that both fans and haters of the show can enjoy. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

- Yeah, yeah, I got two shark movies on here, after going on tons of rants about them. So sue me. 2-Headed Shark Attack, released by The Asylum, was the first bit of fresh life breathed into the shark genre that I saw in a long time, upon its release at the very beginning of 2012. I mean, how can you be a fan of B-Movies but say no to a killer shark with TWO heads? You get everything you'd expect out of this movie, plus more, all wrapped up in one hell of a fun package. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

- The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption is secretly a competition between Ron Perlman and Billy Zane as to who can chew more scenery. Spoiler: Billy Zane does, and then some, earning the movie's entertainment factor just on his own. However it also helps that it's actually a fun fantasy adventure which takes place after the first movie, with an actor that actually resembles The Rock, and includes epic battle scenes that have far larger of a scope then you would expect from a cheapie Direct-to-Video sequel.

 - Having aired on SyFy as a 3 hour mini-series, Neverland is a re-imagined origin story of Peter Pan, Hook, The Lost Boys, and how they all came together in Neverland. Amazingly fun for fans of the Peter Pan tale, though not without some questionable changes to the mythology. Makes up for it though by having Rhys Ifans play the best rendition of Hook I've ever seen, and Bob Hoskins returning to the role of Smee for the first time since 1991's Hook.

- Continuing the Syfy/Asylum team-up tradition of making and airing a zombie movie around Halloween, Rise of the Zombies is every bit as entertaining as 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, and then improves upon it. Great cast line-up, excellent zombie effects work, some unexpected twists, and a hell of a lot of gore. If anything, this movie might push things a bit too far, but it's still very well made considering it's a TV movie. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

 - The Haunting of Whaley House earns a special place here because I'm normally not a big fan of The Asylum's haunted house/ghost movies as I find they are never as scary or clever as they seem to think they are...but this one scared the god damn bejesus outta me. Good acting, great special effects, some good gore, and genuinely frightening as all hell, this is the first and currently only Asylum-made movie that actually made me sleep with my lights on that night.

- As a big fan of the original Silent Night, Deadly Night it came as a huge shock when I ended up loving the remake, Silent Night. Though apart from a few minor nods, it has nothing at all in common with the original, and I think that's for the better as, and I'm sorry to say this but, I actually prefer this stylish quirky horror remake over the original. Fun inventive death scenes, hilariously campy characters, and a creepy-looking killer Santa, all wrapped up in some Christmas cheer! You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

- As a fan of the entire trilogy, My Super Psycho Sweet 16, Part 3 may not be the best movie in the series, but it's still a really fun entry all the same, and an excellent ending to the trilogy. If you're a fan of either of the first two movies in this MTV-made teen horror movie series, you'll enjoy the final climatic showdown that this movie is, quite a bit. You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

 - Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes is one of the better, more effective, found-footage movies to come out of 2012. Sure, some of the characters are annoying and some of the ad-libbing from the actors doesn't quite work out so great, but it tackles a topic I love, while feeding pretty accurate information to the viewer, in addition to quite a good handful of creepy and atmospheric scenes, with a final shot that is sure to stick with you, leave you scratching your head, and rushing to turn the lights on all at once.

- No surprise that so many Asylum movies make it to this list every year, since they are my favorite of the low budget B-Movie companies, but out of all of them Nazis at the Center of the Earth is my Top Asylum Pick for all of 2012. Zombie Nazis, Secret Breakaway Civilizations under Antarctica, and UFOs - some of my favorite conspiracy theories all under one movie, and then some extras..like a Robo-Hitler. Let that sink in. Ok, so, yeah, enough said on this, I believe! You can read my full previously-posted review of this one here.

HONORABLE MENTION

- One of my top favorite B-Movies of all of last year, Arachnoquake really does deserve a spot on this list. However it only ever aired on TV on the SyFy Channel and Space Channel here in North America and never did get a Region 1/A DVD or BluRay release thus, by my own rules, I can't include it in the actual list. Still, this movie defines the word 'Fun', as it has a group of survivors running through a near-abandoned New Orleans from growing-larger-every-minute killer albino spiders that can shoot fire, all with an air of quirky fun-loving cheese that's in on the joke as
                                          opposed to being the butt of the joke. You can
                                          read my previously-posted review of this one
                                         here.

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Silent Night (2012)

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long

Company: Genre Co.

Runtime: 94 mins

Format: BluRay

Plot: The police force of a remote Midwestern town search for a killer Santa Claus who is picking off citizens on Christmas Eve.

Review: I know this is probably the exact opposite time of year to be doing a review of Silent Night, but I've had it sitting on my computer since December and only just now realized I've never put up it up on the blog yet and I don't really feel like waiting almost a year before I do. Now, this Silent Night is a loose remake of the classic 1980's Christmas horror flick Silent Night, Deadly Night, though apart from the very basic idea of a killer dressed as Santa Clause murdering people on Christmas Eve, this really has nothing at all in common with that movie.

Which as it turns out, I was actually really happy about when all was said and done, because this movie turned out to be an excellent stand-alone Christmas horror flick that's a great throw-back to classic 1980's teen slashers. Every death scene is different from one another and unique, never feeling repetitious, though they're all hilariously outlandish and over-the-top gory, some even going so far as to be pretty bold (in one scene the killer Santa takes out a snotty preteen girl by first tasering her and then ramming a fire poker through her face). Think of just how ruthless and downright brutal the Michael Myers character was in Rob Zombie's Halloween remakes, now take that package, put it in a much better movie, dress it up in a Santa suit and beard, and you've essentially got the killer in this movie.

Silent Night also goes that extra mile to fully incorporate Christmas by having tons of decorations up in the backgrounds, people setting up their trees, handing out presents, partaking in caroling, having a Christmas parade, and most importantly - the movie includes actual Christmas music in its soundtrack. Christmas music is an integral aspect to any Christmas movie, regardless of genre. Without it, it doesn't feel like a Christmas movie, especially with horror ones, and it seems most horror christmas movies leave out the actual Christmas music which is a big no-no in my books. Having it there really helps with the whole Christmas setting.

Hell, this movie even one-ups the original Silent Night, Deadly Night by having the killer Santa actually fully look like Santa Claus. In the original, the killer didn't really wear the beard around his face, he just had it lowered down under his chin, hanging from around his neck which kind of begs the question of why do a killer Santa movie if you aren't going to make your killer actually look like Santa? It was my biggest complaint of the original. But at least in this remake the killer has the beard up where it's meant to be and he fully looks like Santa Claus.

As far as Direct-to-Video flicks go, the acting is pretty good here from anyone who's not a priest (that guy was just beyond brutal). The always-lovely Jamie King did fine with what she had, but Malcolm McDowell as the Sheriff is where the real show is at - the guy is so hilarious with his melodramatic dialog and specific line deliveries that I can't help but think that at least some of his stuff was ad-libbed on the spot. Whenever this guy was on-screen, you knew you'd be in for a damn good time. 

Also unlike the original movie, the identity of the killer is kept secret for most of the movie, and because of that the movie tosses red herrings left, right, & center, pretty hardcore and really makes you guess as to which of our cast of quirky characters might be the killer. Which would be fine, except for the fact that the identity of the killer comes within the final few seconds of the movie and was a gigantic let-down because it ended up being such a tiny insignificant character that I was left more confused then anything, trying to backtrack in my mind if that was even a character we had seen in the movie before. I couldn't remember seeing him anywhere at all, but the movie acted like it was some big gigantic revelation. Also hurting the score a bit are the extremely annoying and unnecessary lens flares - there are points in the movie where the lens flares actually prevent you from seeing large portions of the screen - they really are THAT bad. And IMO, there was no point in having them as they added nothing at all to the movie, nor do they exactly scream 'Christmas'.

Even though I'm pretty weary of horror remakes, Silent Night turned out to be one really fun, gory, and hilariously cheesy B-horror Christmas movie that any fan of campy 80's teen slashers should enjoy (if you can get past the over-abundance of Lens Flare that is). I just fear that too many people will unfairly shit on it just because 'its nothing like the original'. With that said however, there is one death sequence that is a really nice throw-back to an almost identical one in the original, and there was one absolutely hilarious homage to the infamous scene from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, so there is still some stuff in there for diehard fans of the original series.

Out of all the recent crappy so-called horror movies that make it to theaters and then seem to always churn out sequel after sequel, this is the one recent horror movie that I actually want a sequel for, and it ended up being dumped Direct-to-Video. Even though I've heard no word on such happening as of yet, my fingers are crossed that someday in the near future we'll start getting news on a Silent Night 2: Yule Tide Fear or some other such title - ha, I crack myself up!

8/10 rooms in the Psych Ward

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